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Healing the Pain

Ivy McGregor

Apr 4
5
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In the aftermath of last Sunday’s Oscars, we found ourselves confused, saddened, and unsure of how to process everything that happened. As I reflected on it last week, I knew I needed to unpack why the event had such a deep impact on us all. I want to start by being transparent and saying that I do not judge Will Smith, nor Chris Rock. And the truth is, it is not our place to pass judgment on anyone or their emotions, at the time, nor on the trauma they carried afterwards. As observers and witnesses, we are left with the task of understanding how the event shifts our perspective on self-governed actions. I realize by acknowledging and addressing this delicate matter, we can play a part in our collective healing.

There is no doubt that we all may have experienced some form of trauma or suffered victimization. These moments can unlock our deepest fears of not being able to protect ourselves, and by extension, our loved ones. It’s a fear and anguish that we feel imprisoned to, until we act. Sometimes those actions are small and unseen – hurting only ourselves – other times, we act on such a large scale that we are left with disappointment and fallout, beyond our imagination.

In the aftermath of the Oscar events, the world stage saw a lot of cries for healing – we saw the issue lifted of women feeling protected; we saw Black men attempting to shrug off years of conditioning; we saw attention brought to disparities of health and wellness, there was a lot of pain on that stage. And for years, we have been dealing with a community and people: and our ability to see, say and seek help for healing.

See, we are a community that has been taught to absorb and hide our pain, passing it on to each other and our children; often becoming ill in our efforts to seem like we are okay. Yet, conversely, we mock and joke about our pain as if we can laugh it off until it simply no longer hurts. What we’re actually doing is burying it deeper and deeper, refusing to give our pain the opportunity and time to heal.

The events of last Sunday are nuanced and complex. The hurt displayed on that stage will not be remedied by apologies nor penalties. And truthfully, some may not make peace with these events for a long time. However, the work we do here – through inner assessment and reflection, conversations, and compassion – is vital to our healing.

Truth be told, the only way to bring light into darkness is by opening doors and windows that have been chained far too long, to allow room for something new to grow. We must have the courage to step forward and forgive others and ourselves, working to embrace what a healed version of ourselves and our community, and the world can look like. Though it seems simple, seeking help is the biggest and bravest step we can take. It is taking a step towards a future of empathy and love, unshackled by the pain of the past. Let's normalize wellness, seeking healing for our souls, identifying the traumas that keep us hostage, getting the help we need and being help for someone else.

As you reflect on the incident at the Oscars, I challenge you to reflect on incidents in your life that may have caused trauma. Assess the silent surrounding circumstances that may be yelling loudly to speak, to be heard, for help, to heal. My first self-published book was a piece I entitled 'IT Matters'. IT is an acronym for Inner Turmoil. The idea is that if we do not deal with IT, at the most inopportune of times, it will deal with you. So let's express humanity and empathy for ourselves, and others, as we navigate this world. Meanwhile, let's move from the narrative of hurt people, hurt people, to HEALED PEOPLE HELP PEOPLE. Sometimes things are uncovered so that . . . healing the pain, can begin.

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36 Comments

  • Top fan
    Dalya Hartford
    Thank you for this article. What I’ve noticed over the last week through the different perspectives on what happened during The Oscars is that healing needs to take place in so many of us. Trauma is real. Unfortunately it shows up sometimes when we lea…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Thank you for reading and sharing! We as a people have a lot of unaddressed IT. Praying the recent trauma on display can be the pathway to begin to address it.
      • 7w
  • Felice Hightower Britt
    This is such a well informed, thoughtful and wise way to look at the situation and provides me with another opportunity for growth in my own perspective of the incident. This incident did cause me and many others to do a lot of introspection and made m…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Indeed! Just maybe it took that to get us to SEE and address this issue very real issue of Trauma. Thanks for all of the work you do in this space!
      • 7w
  • Davetta Hammond
    Ms. Ivy, week after week you stretch my thinking and broaden my perspective. This weeks publication is beautiful curated. As I read, I reflected and self assessed. I’m empowered to shed light on my own healing and embracing those around Me who are visi…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Courageous enough to SEE SAY and SEEK help ourselves - so we can lead others on a path we've traveled for our own healing. Thanks for reading and for sharing!
      • 7w
  • Trisha Jones
    Appreciate so much the compassion and love in this message, the HEALING you’re helping with. I agree that “IT” is tough to tackle alone. An insightful perspective. Very encouraging.
    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Thank yo for reading and for sharing!
      • 7w
  • Shareeduh McGee
    Wow… so many things in this article resonated with me but nothing more than “Healed people help people.” What happened at the Oscars has triggered something in so many us and has sparked conversations among people who feel obligated to pick a side. T…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      A springboard indeed and a pathway to the WORK! Otherwise we continue to pass on the trauma. #HealedPeopleHelpPeople
      • 7w
  • Top fan
    Toni Lee
    So very well-stated. “The hurt displayed on that stage will not be remedied by apologies nor penalties”. That part. Remedies are found by opening those doors🚪 and windows🪟 to shed some light on that path to healing. Thanks for a good read and, God know…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Love you Sis! Thanks for your heart and for being a part of this community!
      • 7w
  • Val McCray
    Ivy, you have expressed so many of the very sentiments and thoughts that I had regarding this very unfortunate situation. I truly believe that until we learn to "release the beast" of masking our true thoughts and feeling regarding a particular past t…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      SOOOOOO VERY WELL SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! Thank you for sharing! Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!
      • 7w
  • Top fan
    Lakeisha Stevenson
    This resonates for me on so many levels and for so many reasons. We indeed are not responsible for what people do to us but responsible for our actions, reactions and healing. The inner turmoil that originates from trauma will overtake our lives if not…
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    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      IT indeed Matters! We are all seeing this through so many unfortunate incidents. Thanks for reading and for sharing!
      • 7w
  • Kathleen Mcgee
    Trauma and pain feels like I have an anchor around both feet . Glad this topic is being addressed. Entangled in an endless web . Seeking help us GREAT vehicle.
    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Praying the weight is lifted. And that you remember pain/trauma did no come as an assassin, but an assignment. And I pray God leads you to a great resource for help and support. You are not alone. I love you! It's going to get better and feel lighter!
      • 7w
  • Top fan
    Ivy Carter
    Wonderfully written and well received. Healed people help people - I love that. Thank you for this article, such a much needed topic in present times.
    • 7w
    • Author
      Ivy McGregor
      Thank you for reading and for commenting. It is true, #HealedPeopleHelpPeople
      • 7w
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